Saturday, February 26, 2011

Hello? Is this thing on??

Show of many people thought I died??

Well, you were wrong. Both of you.
I have not died yet, although many an evening I felt dead, wished I was dead or smelled like a dead thing.

Here's the deal: School is kicking my ass. I probably shouldn't curse in my blog, but since its quarter to one in the morning and I've already had a half a glass of wine, I'm going to do what I want to do. When I registered for school, after pouring over all the materials I could find about this school, I was certain that this was exactly the way to get my education finished. Fast forward 6 months and I am not only wary of that idea, I am weary at the prospect of 3 more years like this. I am still working 2nd shift full time (four 10hr days a week). This means that most days I only see my kids long enough to get them dressed and out the door and I don't see them again until the next day. No where in all of that wonderful material I looked at before registering for school did it mention "mini-mesters". Hell, I had never even heard of them. News flash: they are the devil. Basically, you have 9 weeks to do a full semester's worth of work. The requirements for the course, the syllabus, the workload, etc. are all the same as a traditional semester only you are doing all of that in 9 weeks. Now, you would think that it might mean that you get done with school faster right? Makes sense. Alas, that would make too much sense. Full time status for a mini-mester is 2 classes instead of a regular 4 classes for a regular semester. So really all you're doing is splitting your semester in half without reducing any of the work you have to do. I am still going to end up needing 4 years for my Bachelor's Degree. All of a sudden it seems like that idea sucked. Twice the work without twice the reward?? Who's Mickey-Mouse idea was this? Oh, it was mine. I am trying my best to keep up but I don't even feel like I'm treading water anymore.I recently had a little (read: messy) meltdown about the whole situation. I feel like if I keep plugging onward it will all be OK and then the next minute I am a tearful mess about missing my kids and Hubby, not being able to keep up with the housework, feeling like I haven't slept in days (I am usually up until at least 1 or 2 AM finishing work), and missing out on all the fun events that Hubby and the boys get to do without me. I'm kind of a whiny, blubbery, bitchy mess right now. I have been obsessively looking for another job that might let me work less hours or at least be first shift so that I can see my kids in the evenings. Nothing. It's kind of exactly why I'm leaving the nursing world behind...there are no jobs anywhere for nurses right now. I take that back. There are no jobs for LPNs anywhere right now. I am noticing that there are plenty of Rn's positions. A prudent person would say "Why don't you change majors and get your RN?" Well, it's like this: I don't have the ability to NOT work. Even though I am not the main bread winner, I am the insurance carrier. I know that I couldn't work and go to nursing school. I barely survived nursing school last time and I wasn't working at all! So, I don't realistically see how I could possibly go to nursing school and work full time in order for us to keep our benefits. I am going to keep my eye out for that mythical job that allows me only to work during school hours, has benefits, no weekends or holidays and pays the bills. In the mean time, it's finals week and I'm wasting time blogging at one in the morning. Y'all pray for me....I need all the prayers I can get.


acekotasmomma said...

Praying...Always praying for you girl! Love ya!

Shepherd K said...

[hand raised] I'll be feeling your pain beginning in August or September. Send word when you can.

Melanie said...

Thanks, Momma :)

@K: School? You too? We shall be weary together.

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