Showing posts with label Furiously Fictionalizing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Furiously Fictionalizing. Show all posts

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Funeral Worker

He pulled up to the back door and rang the bell. The weary supervisor trudged down the silent hall and saw him standing on the other side of the fortified glass window. He smiled his toothy smile, pushed his oversized glasses up his nose and waved.
"Evening Ms. Pearl", he said in a chipper way.
"Evening Rolly", she wheezed as she hefted the door open enough for him to squeeze in.
"He's almost still warm tonight", he offered.
"Pfft" was all that Pearl said to him.
Rolly had been bringing bodies to the hospital morgue for several months. He offered his ID to her and she waved him off.
"Rolly, I don't need to see your ID every time."
"I know Ms. Pearl, but I'm supposed to show you so I do."
She held the door open for him and he went back down to the car and brought back a gurney with a dark body bag strapped to the top. He followed her back down the silent hallway and to the unmarked door by the electrical room. She used her gigantic keyring with ease as she unlocked the morgue. He rolled his burden passed her and she helped him put the poor dead man into a cold drawer.
She handed him the sign in log and a pen. He signed his name and handed it back.
"Goodnight Pearl", he called
"Night Rolly".
The next night Pearl noticed that no one had claimed the body she helped Rolly load. She called the funeral home he worked for only to be told that no one named Rolly worked for them. She thanked the man for his help and slowly hung up the phone confused.
Just then she saw Rolly's face on the TV that hung in the ER waiting room.
The caption read, " Serial Killer caught after 7 month Spree".
Pearl dropped her gigantic keyring.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Jared: Chapter 3

* Chapter 3 of Jared...this is as far as I got, but shorter than the other 2 chapters. I am actually not happy at all with this chapter...feels forced to me.*

The dinner was elegant. The best restaurant in town, in the heart of the old “Spanish” district. Pensacola’s historic district was one of the oldest remnants of the Spanish settlement of Florida. The very first European settlement in the United States. Over the centuries it had been controlled by at least five different governments. The City of Five Flags. Jared had learned all about the city’s history in his 4th grade Florida History class. Pensacola natives were proud of their heritage, proud of the age of the city, proud to still have ties to Spain, proud to house the world famous pilots of the Navy’s Blue Angels. There were always celebrations and parades in Pensacola. Jared never got to attend any of them and he certainly had never gotten to see the Blue Angels fly, but he had read plenty about them.

Chancellor’s was for the crème de la crème. He had only just heard the name. He had certainly never seen a picture or an advertisement for them. Such fancy restaurants didn’t need the publicity. Word of mouth and a very long waiting list was all that they needed. He didn’t bother asking his mom how in the world she had managed such a reservation. Even if he did, he knew that she wouldn’t tell him. Truth be told, he had fully expected to be turned away at the door. He had pictured the snotty hostess looking down at her book and, with an extraordinarily nasal voice, saying, “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a SIX MONTH waiting list. You understand I’m sure. Now please step aside”. However, nothing of the sort had happened. They had entered, Danielle had given her last name, the hostess smiled broadly and they were ushered to a table at the very center of the room. Jared was already dizzy from this strange night, so he just took this in stride like it happened all the time.

 What stunned him more was how incredibly comfortable his mother was in this environment. He was about to break out into hives from nervousness. He was petrified that he was going to bump into something, say something stupid or make a noise and display for all the world to see that he was a nobody., that he didn’t have the slightest clue what he was doing and that he didn’t belong here. Danielle on the other hand was so at ease with her surroundings. It was baffling really. How did she know how to act? Wasn’t she nervous too?

Jared was fidgeting with his napkin when his mother, very lightly, cleared her throat. He looked up to see her looking at him. “Relax, Jared. Watch”, she said as she smoothly unfolded her napkin. In one silent, swift move she fluttered it open and placed it on her lap. He tried to replicate her movement but unfortunately with his recent lankiness his “flutter” looked more like he was attempting to throw it across the table to her. He colored red as the napkin finally came to rest on his lap. He looked across the table and not for the first time that day thought to himself, Who are you?

Danielle handled the ordering, thank the Lord, because Jared would not have know what in the world to order and did not trust his voice to do anything other than squeak tonight. The food had the most delicious flavors that he could have imagined and his mom did a wonderful job of keeping him occupied so that his eyes didn’t wander rudely and his mouth didn’t have time to gape at the opulence of the place. He had never seen so many crisp, clean, glittering, twinkling things in one room before in his life. Linen, china, crystal, silver, flowers, gold, waiters in tuxedos, guests in business suits and fancy dresses. Now he understood why his mom had bought him the tie. It would have been required.

She keep the chatter light. No talking about Tommy, no money, no school. She just simply talked to him, in a way that she never had before. What were his favorite books? Why? Did he like art? Which ones? What sort of music was his favorite? Did he ever think about playing an instrument? It was almost like they were meeting for the first time and in a way they were. Jared, this is Danielle. Danielle, meet Jared. It was wonderful.

As dinner drew to a close, she opted for a rich chocolate dessert. He declined dessert but did taste hers at her insistence. It too was perfect, just like everything had been all evening. She beckoned for the check and the ended their field trip to the other side of life. She asked the waiter to have a cab called for them and he went off to secure it without once giving her a sideways glance. “Well I guess it’s a common request in these parts“, Jared quipped while his mom gathered up her clutch and rose from the table. She smiled and winked at him and said, “Of course, how do you think all these people will get home tonight?” He realized then what he had failed to see earlier. The tiny parking lot to the side of the building could hold no more than 25 or 30 cars and there were certainly more people here than that. The parking lot was probably more for employees than guests, he supposed.

The cab was waiting for them as soon as they stepped outside and there was a valet to usher them into their seats. Jared figured the cabbies probably hung around this neighborhood so they could provide prompt service to these rich people. They probably got the best tips from the Chancellor’s customers. He couldn’t blame them really. If they were going to be driving someone home tonight anyway, why not drive someone home who could fatten your pockets? The ride back to the parking lot was quicker than the ride over to the restaurant. It almost felt like the story of Cinderella, where the clock struck midnight and the coach turned into a pumpkin, only in this story the pumpkin was a dingy yellow car.

The two of them rode home in silence, Danielle only humming along to the radio this time. She wore a funny little smile. Jared fell asleep as they were hitting the interstate. The bump into their driveway jostled him awake. He could see the headlights bouncing up and down on their house and suddenly the sight of it was painful. How he wished they could have driven home to a cute apartment or at least a yard with grass. However disappointed he was when they drove back to the car tonight, it was officially doubled by house they were arriving home to.

 

 

 

 

 

Jared: Chapter 2

* Second chapter of Jared...also rediculously long for a blog post*

It took her longer than usual to ready herself to leave the house. Usually she just pulled her hair back or tucked it behind her ears, put moisturizer on her face, threw on some random pair of jeans and a shirt and bolted out the door. Danielle was not someone who ever worried about her appearance. It was another part of her inherent “unawareness”. In fact Jared rarely if ever saw her look at her own reflection in the mirror. “Girly” was not a phrase that he had ever connected with his Mom. That is until she came out of the bathroom this afternoon. She had been in there for what seemed like an extraordinary amount of time.

He didn’t bother her today by knocking and asking if she was ok. They had established earlier that she was not ok. He could hear her bumping around in there though. The blow dryer was on for a while, then nothing, then the sound of plastic bags rustling around, more silence, and finally she had emerged from her tiny haven to reveal the finished product. When he heard the doorknob click open he didn’t get up; he didn’t even turn his head toward the sound. She walked out and turned a little circle and said softly, “Ta-Da!” He looked up from his reverie and was instantly in awe. He believed prior to today that his mother could not possibly be any more beautiful. He was mistaken.

 

She stood in the kitchen of their broken and slanting house, surrounded by furnishings and belongs which had almost always come from thrift stores or yard sales, and she looked like the most out of place person Jared could imagine. She had obviously been shopping while he was at school. The dress she wore, which was new, was a sleeveless number with an ivory sheer outer layer, peppered with wispy roses, floating over a deep rose-colored opaque layer underneath. It had a fluttery hem that slanted deeply from her left knee to her right calf and fit her so well he couldn’t remember ever having seen her wear anything else. She had new shoes to accompany, of course. Cream colored sandals with a low heel and thin straps that wound over the tops of her feet and stopped just above her delicate ankles. Her newly coppered hair was not pulled back, not was it tucked hurriedly behind her ears. Today she had taken the time to blow dry it into a soft, slightly wavy style that he’d never seen her wear before.

After the initial shock of the recently acquired clothes and shoes wore off and he had taken his eyes off her lustrous hair, he settled on her face. If he had been breathing he would have stopped. As it was, his heart nearly stopped beating. She was wearing make-up. In all of his life, Jared had not one time seen his mother wear cosmetics. This very obviously must be the reason for that. She was devastating… almost painful to look at. Her face shone with a brightness he’d never seen, her skin taking on a flawless creamy shade. Her hazel eyes seemed liquid and her lashes appeared almost like feathers they were so long and thick. The color she had chosen for her lips, and she had chosen well, was the palest whisper of rose in keeping with her dress and newly tinted cheeks.

It took only a split second for Jared to absorb what he was seeing, yet another full minute before he could speak to her. He saw a slightly worried look start to creep onto her face and he forced himself to say something before she could start assuming the wrong things. He stood and went to stand in front of her. “Mom…wow!”, he breathed. She bit her lip and looked down at her outfit. “ I don’t look stupid do I?”, she asked him quietly. Jared stifled the urge to be angry with her unawareness for the millionth time and quickly reassured her that she looked great. “Really? I mean, I don’t normally do dresses, but then again I don’t normally do blow dryers or make up or hair color either, huh?” She nervously started picking at her cuticles.

 He swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice from cracking, as it affected him more when he was anxious. “No, Mom … I mean … you’re beautiful”, he finally heard himself say. “Why are you staring at me like that, Jared? You’re acting like you’ve never seen me! Good Lord, Son, is it that bad?”, she said as she looked down at her dress, “Should I change?” He couldn’t speak fast enough then. “NO! Mom, it’s not bad, it’s just that, well, I’ve never seen you wear a dress or wear your hair that way…or wear make-up.”, he added hesitantly, “Give me a minute, Ok? It’s great, you’re beautiful…just different that’s all. She looked at him through squinted eyes, obviously suspicious of her son.

Another minute passed unnoticed by them as they stood and faced each other. Finally, he stepped forward and hugged her. She stood quite still with her hands out at her sides, unsure of how to act at the moment. Slowly, she hugged back. “ What brought that on, Jared? You’re acting so strangely today”, she said while they embraced. He pulled back so that he could see her face and looked at her incredulously. “I’m acting strange?? Mom, I’ve never seen you do more strange things in one day in my life! You’re home in the middle of day, you’ve colored your hair red, you bought a new dress, you’re wearing make up, you blow dried your hair…do you want me to go on? Is all of this because Tommy left?” She looked at him for second and said, “Yes.” He hadn’t expected the truth from her and it stunned him.

They studied each other for a while and then she said, “Where do you want to eat tonight?”, like it was the most normal thing in the world to ask. She was smiling at him like she was going to burst all of a sudden. More mischievousness. Who is this woman?, he thought to himself. Asking her questions was getting him nowhere. He was going to have to play her game…for a while anyway. “Got a place in mind?”, he asked her. She smiled bigger and said, “Yep, but you’re going to have to change your clothes.” He was the one looking down at himself now. Suddenly, in comparison to his mother, he saw what he was dressed in as shabby and poor. No wonder people looked at him the way they did. He was wearing a battered pair of blue jeans, with scuffs on the knees and frayed threads around the bottoms from walking on the hems, an old pair of tattered sneakers and a faded t-shirt that advertised a festival that he’d never even been to in another state.

 He looked back at her, and while doing a mental tally of the contents of his closet, said, “What am I supposed to change into?” He thought for sure that her face was going to split open like an over-ripe melon from the size of the grin she was showing. “Come here”, was all she said. Curious, he followed her as she turned and headed back to the bathroom. She bent down to the bags that he had heard her going through earlier. With a flair, she pulled out several things at once. Some were on hangers and some were in packages. When his eyes landed on the objects in her hands he realized that she had been shopping for him too. She stood there holding a new outfit for him complete with slacks, button down shirt, tie, socks, belt, underwear and undershirt. “Mom! These are awesome!”, he said with a smile that rivaled hers. “But, what about…”, before he could finish his sentence she had bent down and retrieved a box that had been hiding on the other side of the toilet. “…shoes”, he said, finished his thought. Still grinning, he took the box from her and opened it gently as if he might jostle the shoes too much and spoil them. Inside he found the most perfect pair of shiny patent leather dress shoes he’d ever seen. He was speechless. He kept looking from the shoes to her and back to the shoes in silence. “Oh, for goodness’ sake, Jared, try them on! Let’s see if they fit you. I might have to take them back, I wasn’t sure of the size…I mean I’ve never bought you dress shoes before.” She was rambling. He looked up at her and said, “I don’t remember having any shoes that were brand new before.”

For what seemed like the tenth time this afternoon, they were staring at each other again. The grin slid off of his face and hers too. “Where?”, he asked her. “Where what?”, she asked back. “Where did you get the money for all of this?”, he clarified. “Jared, for Pete’s Sake! What kind of question is that? I’m you’re mother…I don’t need to answer…” He cut her off. “Where Mom?”, he persisted, knowing that she would answer him sooner or later. She looked down and fiddled with the laces on his new shoes. “Well, we have one less mouth to feed around here and..” He continued staring at her as she fiddled. She wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“Jared, there is a lot you don’t know about me, Son. I’ve always known that this day would come - in some form or another. I wasn’t quite sure if it would be me that would leave or him, but I always knew in my heart that this day would come. That being said, your mother is not quite as ‘simple’ as people think she is. I’ve been saving. I know that might upset you because we’ve…well, we’ve never had very much money and life has been pretty rough for you, but you have to realize that a woman has to fend for herself in this world. It might not seem fair to you…” He cut her off, “How much, Mom?” “Well, Jared, I really can’t just …” She looked petrified of him for a split second, like the roles were reversed just this once and she was the child confessing to a parent about a hidden thing.

He put his hand on her hand again. She had fiddled until the laces of his new shoes were knotted up. “How much?”, he said slowly. She took a deep breath and without looking him in the eye, softly said, “Almost $40,000.” He felt the breath leave his lungs involuntarily. It took a moment for them to willingly re-inflate again. He was dumb-struck.

She was chewing her lip and worrying her cuticles, not looking at him, when he finally said, “Oh, Mom! Mom! Do you know what this means?”, he grabbed her by the shoulders, “Mom, this means that we can get out of this dump! We can leave here and start over! Oh, Mom!”, he launched himself at her and very nearly knocked her over hugging her. “You’re not mad?”, she laughed as she hugged him back. “Mad? Mad?! Mom, oh my goodness, this is awesome! Tommy’s gone, you’re beautiful, we’re rich… what’s to be mad at!” He let go of her and started running and shouting and dancing like a touchdown-scoring football player. She was breathless and speechless all at the same time.

“Jared, come here…calm down and come here…come here!” She was practically shouting at this point, but laughing at his antics at the same time. She finally got him to calm down and come back to her. He was breathless too by the time she settled him down. She was laughing at him and he was smiling at her with the biggest, widest grin she’d seen on his face since he was a toddler. “Jared… Jared, sweetie, we’re not ‘rich’. We’re not even close to rich…” “$40,000 Mom!”, he interrupted. “Jared, I said almost $40,000. It’s really more like $38,000 and change and that’s really not a huge amount of money.” He was gaping at her. “ I’m being real with you Jared”, she said, “It’s enough money to start living a little better, but it’s not like I won the lottery or anything! I’m not going to be able to stay at home, for instance, and start being a lady of leisure by any means.” With the smile still plastered dumbly on his face he said, “I know that, Mom, but think about what it does mean! It means that you won’t have to work doubles anymore. It’ll just be you and me and you’ll be home more and things will be great!”

She couldn’t help it, she adopted the sloppy smile of her son and put her hands on either side of his face. “How can you possibly be so happy? You come home to a missing parent and a mother whose cheese has slid off her cracker and this is the happiest I’ve seen you in years? Why?” He placed his hands on top of hers on his cheek and said, “Because this is the happiest I’ve ever seen you, you’re the most beautiful mom on the planet, no one is ever going to hurt you again and you are taking me to dinner.” Tears started to form in her eyes and her chin started to tremble as she looked in to the eyes of her nearly-grown, only son and said, “ Dear sweet Jesus, what did I do…what could I have ever done…to deserve this child?”

Jared emerged from his bedroom , dressed more elegantly than he had ever been before. The breath caught in his mother’s throat. She smiled a slight smile and trying not to embarrass him, which was becoming harder the older he got, she just nodded her head as if to say, Very nice. He fiddled with the buttons on his new shirt and shifted his weight from one foot to another while they stood silently in the kitchen, looking at each other. If he had not grown up in an essentially silent home this might have been awkward. The truth was, he did grow up in a silent home. His parents didn’t talk to each other, he didn’t talk to Tommy unless he had to, his mother was never home to talk to him…silence was the only brother he’d ever known. Danielle broke the silence with the question of the evening, “Ready to go to dinner?”

The family’s only vehicle, a dyspeptic yellow sedan that hadn’t had fabric on the ceiling since they’d owned it, was chugging along loudly as they made their way to the mystery restaurant. Danielle still hadn’t told Jared where they were going. It’s ok, he thought to himself, I can play her game. They drove along, but this time not in silence. Surprisingly enough the radio still worked in this car…even if the defrost and A/C didn’t. As they cruised down the road at a door-rattling 55 mph, his mom sang out to her favorite songs from the local country station. Her voice really was top-notch. He always loved her voice, but like everything else about his mother, he didn’t dare compliment it. In fact, if he even let her know he was listening she would have stopped right then, in true Danielle Marshall fashion. She sang all the way to Pensacola. It was odd that they had lived near the coast all of his life, but hardly ever ventured down to the city or the beach. For one, Jared’s mom worked all the doggone time and for another, they never had extra gas money. It was only an hour trip but they only made it a handful of times per year. One year they went to the beach three times. That was the record.

Growing up in Northern Florida was a little bit of an oxymoron to Jared. Technically they were Florida residents, true, but they spent more time in Alabama because that’s where his mom worked, that’s where the local bank and grocery store were and other than school, it was the only place to go. In fact, the school really was the only thing in the little township that they lived in. Trees and grass were the only landmarks here. The school Jared went to was K-12 because there wouldn’t have been enough students to split up into separate schools and it would cost too much to bus them all the way over to the other end of the county. Sometimes, Jared thought that the town was as invisible as him.

The drive down to the city was a nice one. The warm summer evening was pleasant and the traffic was light. Jared was slightly worried about how fancy their dinner would feel when they drove up the restaurant in the dilapidated car. As if reading his mind, Danielle suddenly said out loud, “We are going to ditch this car, Jared. Is that ok with you?” “Um, sure, I guess”, he stumbled. They smoothly crossed lanes and exited the interstate until they were winding their way through side streets in the historic district. Without explanation, Danielle pulled into a business parking lot, the kind you had to pay for by the hour. They gathered their things and Jared felt sure that they were going to walk somewhere. His mom didn’t move to leave the parking lot though. Instead she stood at the entrance to the lot, and glanced at her watch. Almost telepathically, a cab pulled to the curb. A sweaty man in shirtsleeves pushed his head out of the window and yelled out to them, “ You Mrs. Marshall?”. Danielle nodded with a smile and did not meet her son’s gaze as she walked to the cab confidently as if she did so every day. She paused at the door and glanced up at her son. “Oh. Sorry, Mom”, he offered as he rushed to open her door. She smirked sideways at him and slid in and across the seat to leave room for him. Mental note, he thought to himself, Ladies first…be a gentleman. He would do his best to make sure that he played the part tonight, as it may be the once chance he had to do it.

Gracefully, Danielle slid forward and said, “ Chancellor’s please”. “Sure thing, Ma’am”, said their driver. It was almost like a scene from a movie. Jared’s head was getting dizzy. He leaned back and rested his head on the stiff leather seat and watched the city lights pass. It was the second time that day that he had let his eyes go unfocused at the scenery. The bus ride home seemed like the distant past. Funny, that. You live the same day over and over your entire life and one afternoon can make it seem like just a memory. He smiled at this absently and that was the last time he thought about it.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Jared: Chapter 1

Warning: This is a REALLY long post!

* This is something I've been working on for over a year now. It was something I started for NaNoWriMo and never finished. I think it's too big for me right now, but I have faith that this character has more flesh than I can give him right now.*

Chapter 1

The trees whipped by so fast that it was hard to focus on them individually. Instead, Jared let his eyes go unfocused and took them as one large object. The wall of leaves and dappled sunlight periodically made him blink . The ride home from school was a time for him to daydream. It was usually uninterrupted as well because no one talked to Jared. Ever. He would sit and think about the characters in the books he read, of which there were many because of his solitary status. He never had to defend his right to sit alone because no one ever tried to sit with him.

Sometimes he would try to imagine himself away from this place. Grown-up, working, married, a father. The pictures in his head were always in shadow because he really couldn’t imagine ever being free of this life. During this time he could always hear a snatch or two of conversation from the other kids on the bus. So-and-so likes Billy Epps, did you hear what Crystal said to Diane, blah, blah, blah. These people were the losers, in Jared’s mind, not him. He would never admit to himself that he envied them. What he wouldn’t give to be the one who had not a care in the world, that he might ever have a reason to gossip about someone else’s life. That was something he would never consciously think, much less say out loud.

The bus turned onto Phelps Lane and Jared’s stomach did a flip-flop. This happened every day too. In about two minutes the bus would be in front of his house and he would have to get off. “I hate my life so much”, Jared thought to himself. Technically, what he hated wasn’t his life as much as it was the way people tended to act. One day…just one day… he wished that he could be invisible. That he could get up, unnoticed, and get off the bus without having to listen to them. Without having to hate them and himself.

The yellow school bus pulled to a stop in front of a dilapidated house that had been built at least 50 or 60 years ago and had not ever been maintained. It kind of leaned to one side because of the settling and not having anyone to love it and take care of it. The paint, which used to be white but was now dirty enough to be sort of a brown color, was chipped off in large portions and fading. A couple squares of blue tarp were nailed to the roof from leaks that never really got fixed. The screen door didn’t have a screen in it anymore. The yard was more dirt than grass. It reminded Jared of a chicken yard. He sometimes thought that if they had chickens then maybe that might give the yard permission to look so bleak and barren. However, no chickens were to be found in this yard, therefore no real reason for the yard’s appearance, other than the fact that it was as old as the house and maybe just as tired.

Ruby, the bus driver, opened the bi-fold doors and looked up into the large mirror over her head expectantly. Her oversized sunglasses falling down on her nose forced her to wrinkle her face in an effort to keep them up. Jared breathed in a quick breath that he knew he wouldn’t exhale until the bus was safely out of sight again. He grabbed his pack and rose up to exit. Immediately the whispers and snickers started. “Doesn’t it ever get old?”, he wondered to himself. Every school day - from kindergarten to middle school - this had happened. Is the poor, quiet, “weird” kid really that much of a novelty that it had to happen every day? Really? Every day? Jared made it a point not to ever react. Never give them the satisfaction. Pretend you don’t hear them. He could hear these things in his mother’s voice even though she had never actually said them to him. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t say these reassuring and protective things to him, it was because he had never discussed this part of his day with anyone, not even her. He knew it would only cause her worry.

He made it to the front of the bus easily enough. People pulled in their arms and legs and even straggling backpacks and sweaters to keep him from touching them, as if poverty or personality were things you could “catch”, like chicken pox or lice. As a matter of fact, Jared had caught lice once. It had happened in the third grade and most of the school had caught it too, but someone had decided that Jared must have had it first. People still gave a wide berth to him five years later.

Like his house and his yard, he looked poor therefore he was dirty and contagious. Jared kept his eyes down, not looking at anyone’s face. He got to the bus driver and she tried to catch his eye and smile. She did this every day. He really did appreciate her kindness but he wished so much that she would stop. The less attention towards him the better. It gave the mob less ammunition. She had offered many times to give him the seat at the front so that he could just jump off at his stop. He had declined it because somehow he knew that this too would become fodder for the others.

He exited the idling bus and the doors closed behind him. Jared was still holding his breath. Just as Ruby started to pull away he heard it. A window went down, a dull “thwack” and laughter. He had just received a spit ball to the back of the head. “Hey!”, a boy’s voice yelled, “You forgot your food stamps!”. More laughter. Jared just kept walking. He didn’t even reach up to brush the damp ball of chewed up paper out of his hair because he knew that would add fuel to the fire. The laughter was joined by scolding as Ruby loudly admonished the students on the bus. They slowly accelerated away from the house. Jared exhaled.

Soon the only sounds around Jared were wind, insects and maybe the occasional bird call. His house sat back from the road, surrounded on all sides by a grass meadow, so that it was about a two minute walk. Jared made it his business to take at least five minutes. This was his favorite part of the day… if there really was a favorite. For five minutes of his day he was alone. No one to laugh or make fun, no one to tell him what to do, no one to disappoint. He looked around to make sure that he was indeed alone - to make sure that no one was out in the yard waiting on him. He shucked the hoodie off his back and tied it around his waist, adjusted the backpack on his shoulders and started walking slowly toward the house.

The sun was so bright and warm today. Not a single cloud blemished the late-May sky. It was that transparent blue color that Jared had come to associate with early summer. It was almost summer now too. He stopped walking and just stood in the middle of the dirt driveway. He closed his eyes and listened to the Earth speak. As the sun shone down on him, warming his hair, and the tall grass whispered delicately, he wished one more time that he would open his eyes to a different world. Different house, different town, different school, different Dad…same Mom though. She was the only thing in his life that was right. The only thing that was good.

Today was Thursday. One more day of 8th grade. Summer. It distressed Jared to think of it. Summers were supposed to be what kids dreamed of all year. What a deceiving concept. Every fall he would sit and listen to his classmates give their “What I Did This Summer” speeches. He usually made up a story just for that purpose. Not something fantastic because that might somehow backfire on him. Someone might ask his Mom how she enjoyed their summer vacation the next time they saw her in line at the store, expecting to hear all about Disney World or the beach, only to have his mom start lamenting the double shifts and foot blisters that her summer actually involved. He always kept it simple. “ I went to my Grandma’s house (lie) and learned how to milk cows (lie), then I learned how to use the tractor with my Grandpa (double lie because there was no Grandpa or tractor)”. It was boring enough for people to forget, but kept him out of trouble for not having completed the assignment.

Summers at Jared’s house were always the same. Mom worked while his father, Tommy, slept on the couch because he was nearly always unemployed. Jared read books or did chores and anything else that would keep him away from Tommy. That was it … that was what his summers were made of. Jared’s Mom, Danielle, was a waitress/short order cook at a truck stop on the Interstate. She was never home. It wasn’t personal. She made an effort at least to make sure that he knew that. It was just that someone had to work and Tommy had never gotten the hang of gainful employment.

As far back as Jared could remember Tommy had always been at home. Tommy had hurt his back several years ago doing a construction job and said that he was disabled. Because of the “disability”, Tommy, more often than not, preferred to lie down on the couch than sit up. Even after Danielle bought him that Lazy Boy for Father’s Day, he still lay on the couch. He said it helped the "pain". It wasn’t that Jared didn’t necessarily believe that his father was in pain, it’s just that Jared had never seen him take any medicine for it, or go to the doctor and he didn‘t receive any type of Disability Check that other disabled people seemed to be entitled to. In fact, the only thing that he had ever seen his dad do was watch TV, smoke more cigarettes than the ash tray could hold, and sleep. That pretty much summed up his whole life’s experience of what fathers do.

His mom was a different story all together. Danielle was the sun and moon and all the stars to her son. She was beautiful for one thing. She would never admit to it and might even argue against it, but she was the most beautiful person Jared had ever seen in real life or in pictures. The feature that made her beauty stand out the most wasn’t her long honey-colored hair or striking profile. It wasn’t her trim figure or her dancer’s legs. She possessed all those things, for sure, but these things alone would have made her just an ordinary beauty. What Danielle Marshall had that Jared had never seen in any other woman was an infuriating unawareness of her own presence. She did not think that anyone, ever, took notice of her.

Four years ago Jared had gotten a one line part in the class play about George Washington. He had hovered around the curtain before show time, peeking at the audience, to see if his Mom would make it in time. After several minutes, she had entered through the lunchroom door in the front near the stage. Jared saw the whole thing happen in slow motion, even though it couldn’t have taken more than 15 seconds. She walked her graceful walk as she searched for a seat as close to the front as she could find. Unaware as she always was, she did not notice the men who had certainly noticed her.

Six men immediately straightened up in their chairs, simultaneously inhaling stomachs and smiling. Also noticing her entrance was nearly every single woman in the room. They, however, were not smiling. His Mom, oblivious to the commotion, picked her seat, smoothed out her waitress’ uniform and waited patiently. Jared watched silently in awe of the whole thing, of the positive effect she had on men, on the negative effect she seemed to have on other women and how she didn’t even know it. He also felt something else, even though he was too young to recognize it, he felt an intense jealousy. A need to claim her as his mom, a need to defend her against those other women and protect her from those men who were still smiling goofily at her. Suddenly he wanted to go home. Skip the whole thing. But he knew that wouldn’t happen, so instead he filed this memory into a file marked “Review Later” and closed the peep whole in the curtain.

Ever since that night he had tried to notice things that happened when his mom was around. People’s reactions and facial expressions, the service or prices they got on things, etc. One thing was for sure. Danielle left people stunned everywhere she went. Jared wasn’t sure it was something that he would ever get used to. The older he got the more he noticed it and the less he liked it. It wasn’t something she was trying to do, so it wasn’t something she could control. He sort of saw her as the unwitting victim of her own beauty. Although there were times that she was the beneficiary of it, most times she wasn’t. It depended on the person’s perception of her. It was sad really.

 

As Jared walked, he picked a piece of tall grass from the side of the driveway and chewed on it. It never got mowed and in the height of summer it was so tall that it blocked most of the house from sight. As he chewed the torn end of the bitter grass he mentally prepared for his entrance to the house. It went pretty much the same way every day. Hear the television from the yard, enter the house, spend a couple minutes fetching things for Tommy, go to his room and lock his door, wait for Mom to come home.

This had been the routine as long as he could remember. It didn’t really bother him though, because he wanted to spend as little time as possible with Tommy. As far back as he could remember, Jared had always called his father by his first name. No one seemed to think it was odd. Maybe Tommy didn’t want to be called Dad, or maybe Jared had just taken to calling him Tommy because that’s what his Mom called him and no one had ever corrected it. It didn’t really matter to Jared either way because Tommy didn’t act like a Dad and he didn’t seem to want Jared to call him Dad…so why call him Dad? In fact, he hadn’t even noticed that it was odd until he was in upper elementary school. 4th grade at the earliest.

Jared raised his head as he entered the “chicken yard”. One thing caught his attention immediately that he hadn’t noticed when he got off the bus. He should have seen it sooner, but he had adopted the habit of walking with his head down. His mother’s car was home, the only car they owned … in the middle of the day … on a Monday afternoon. Danielle worked doubles at least 4 or 5 days a week. She was almost never home this early. The very next thing that he noticed was that he couldn’t hear the TV.

The house was quiet and Mom was home…something was wrong. For a split second Jared imagined a horrible scene and in the next second he was running - a full out sprint. For all he knew, with the way his Mom and Tommy fought, his mother’s life might depend on the speed of his legs. He took the concrete blocks that doubled as front steps in one leap. With the speed behind him he actually slammed into the door and had to back himself up so that he could open it. His mind was racing faster than his feet as he yanked the screen-less door open and screamed, “Mom!”. His breath tearing in and out of him in ragged gasps.

 

In his mind he could see her laying unconscious on the floor, Tommy stepping over her to go lay down on the couch again… or worse. The two of them had always had a violent relationship. Partly because of Tommy’s whiplash personality changes and partly because Danielle could only take so much. Part of the pattern of their life was that every few months his Mom would just break apart and direct all her anger and pent up resentment towards Tommy. The fights were usually loud and physically violent but short. They had both drawn blood in the past but no one had ever gone to the hospital, even though many times Danielle probably should have.

Multiple times she had gone to work with visible bruises and at least once a black eye that she feebly tried to cover up with make up and excuses about walking into a cabinet that no one believed. By the time Jared was 8 or 9 he knew more about his parents’ marriage than a child had a right to know because of all the screaming at night. He also knew all the signs of Battered Woman Syndrome only he didn’t know that was the name for it… the only name he knew for it was Mom. Now as he stood in his own front room, chest heaving and terrified, he could only picture what kind of vile thing had happened at this house while he was at school and was torn with regret that he had not been here this time, had not been here to protect her. He had not been here when she needed him.

“Mom!”, he screamed again after not getting a response the first time. He began scanning the front room for signs of struggle: overturned furniture, scattered papers, dumped ash tray, torn drapes or worse…blood …but found nothing out of place. He was hyperventilating and he knew it but he felt like he had no control over his own body at this point. He made a move toward the kitchen to start the search. For what? Her body? He didn’t know but that wasn’t going to stop him from tearing the house apart. Something was definitely wrong. As he turned to the left and entered the kitchen, he saw a cold cup of coffee on the table and one long ash, that used to be a cigarette, in the ashtray. It had obviously not been smoked but had been left alone to burn itself out. He turned in a complete circle, tears in his eyes, unable to inhale a breath and cried out, “MOM!!”.

Just then the door to the bathroom opened and through a cloud of steam stepped his Mom. Eyes wide, fully dressed but with hair up in a towel, she startled as she saw him standing there in such a frightened state. “Jared, baby, what’s wrong? You look like you’re scared to death!” His mom came forward with a worried look on her face and touched his shoulder. He just stared at her like he didn’t know her and then without warning his face crumpled and he burst into tears.

Great jagged sobs began to come from deep inside his chest. His knees went weak and he almost collapsed where he stood. “Jared!”, his mom cried as she directed her son to a chair at the kitchen table. By now he was almost as tall as her and she certainly wouldn’t be able to carry him if he collapsed on her, “Sit down sweetie. Sit here”, she said as she pulled out the nearest chair and led him to it. “What in the world is going on Son?”, she asked while she simultaneously steadied him with her hand and reached to the sink for a damp rag that lay draped over the sinks edge. She wiped his face with the dish rag and studied his expression as Jared tried to compose himself and was suddenly embarrassed to be seen crying in front of his mother. At 13 years old he, like most boys his age, fancied himself too old to cry anymore.

She sat down in the chair next to him and reached for his hand. He could see the worry in her eyes and felt at once stupid for causing such a commotion and yet so full of love for her and the concern he could plainly see on her face. She didn’t rush him or demand anything from him during the time it took him to calm down, she just gave freely what she had to give… her love and her time. He didn’t want to take too long and he knew she must think he was losing his mind. She didn’t think that though. She didn’t think anything really, except that something obviously was bothering him. She certainly didn’t think that a moment ago he was imagining her death at the hands of his own father. In her mind he wasn’t old enough to even really process the complexities of her marriage. She was wrong.

He drew in a slow breath, his hands shaking, and forced himself to concentrate on the cheap salt and pepper shakers that were centered on the kitchen table. They were shaped like a Dalmatian and a fire hydrant. He remembered when they’d gotten those. They had gone to a Firefighter’s Museum on a field trip in his second grade year. It had been one of the only trips that his Mom had ever been able to chaperone. They had picked the salt and pepper shakers out together at the tiny crowded gift shop, while she complained at the cost of cheap souvenirs.

“Mom, what are you doing home?”, was the best he could trust himself to say at the moment. She looked at him for a split second and deadpanned the response, “I live here.”. He smiled and laid his head down on the table, willing his heart to slow down. He gave a furtive laugh and mumbled into his arm, “I mean, you’re usually working.” She sighed a little sigh and ran her hand over his silky coffee-colored hair. “Baby, tell me what’s bothering you. Obviously something frightened you. I’ve never seen you fall apart that way.” Even though she couldn’t see him, Jared’s face colored a bright red. She bent down and whispered in his ear, “What? Are you too embarrassed to let your Mom see you cry?”. “I’m not embarrassed, Mom.”, came the muffled response. She sat back in her chair and smiled at her only son. “Sure you are… your ears are turning red.” He raised his head and looked at her. “Mom, I thought that something was wrong. You’re never home this time of day.”, he paused, “Where’s Tommy?” He looked around cautiously as he waited for her answer but noticed that her demeanor had turned cool and he could tell she would be defensive when she answered.

The subject of Tommy didn’t always go well between them. Sometimes they were equals in the struggle to live with him. A glance between them was like a silent agreement that they were in this together. Most times they didn’t even have to talk to communicate what the other might need at the moment: patience, courage, strength. But, there were other times. Times when they were not in it together. Jared hated those times. During those times it seemed like it made his Mom’s life easier to separate herself from him. It was always a last ditch effort, but he could never tell if it resulted from her wanting him to learn how to handle conflict himself or if it was as simple as her not having the energy or courage to stand up for both of them again. It was probably the later. Tommy wore her down so often, more often than he did Jared, that it made sense that she just couldn’t put up the fight all the time.

She took her hand off of his arm, turned her head and looked out the window. “Tommy left”, was all she said. It was silent in the kitchen while Jared waited for the rest of the story. She was squinting her eyes as if she were remembering a distant memory, not something that had happened just this morning. Jared waited out the silence. He knew that asking questions was going to irritate her more and probably cause her to abandon the whole subject. His mom had always been this way. She was more apt to share something if you pretended you were invisible. He supposed it was more like she were talking to herself, not opening herself up to you.. In fact, most of the “conversations” that Jared and his mother had shared, the ones that were meaningful to him anyway, weren’t even two-way discussions. It was him being silent and her letting the wall down momentarily to talk about herself. It did not happen often. It was directly because of this that Jared had learned the art of listening.

He sat patiently and waited a moment. After a second or two, her focus changed and she snapped back to the kitchen table and her son. She smiled a big, and Jared could tell, fake smile. She patted his arm again and rose from the table “Come to the bathroom with me. Come see what I’ve done!”, she said as she went back towards the bathroom she had just recently appeared from. Jared stood and walked to the bathroom door. It was the only visible doorway in the hallway from the kitchen. To the left of the bathroom was Danielle and Tommy’s room and to the right was his room. He leaned in the doorway, as the bathroom really was barely large enough for one person to turn a full circle. Tommy had called it the bath-closet.

Oh Lord”, Jared thought to himself. His mother sounded mischievous and Danielle rarely did or said anything remotely close to mischievous. When she did, it was usually memorable. As he was thinking this Danielle leaned all the way over to undo the towel on her head. She used the now damp towel to brusquely rub the remaining moisture from her hair. When she stood she flipped her hair dramatically revealing a startlingly bright red color. “Oh my goodness! Wow!”, she laughed as she stared at her reflection. “I guess they really meant ‘Shimmering Copper’ didn’t they?” She turned to look at Jared to get his response but she found him to be without. He stood in the doorway, jaw slack, and gaped at her. The thought ran through his mind that he might be witnessing his own mother’s nervous breakdown. He didn’t really know what that might involve but he had heard of it on TV and in books and it certainly might account for her behavior right now.

“Sweetheart, breathe. It’s not that big a deal. It’s just hair color.” She continued to look for a response when suddenly and without permission from his brain, Jared’s mouth blurted, “Did Tommy leave because you colored your hair??” His mother burst out in the largest laugh he had ever heard come from her mouth and she literally had to sit on the toilet to recover. She howled as tears started to form at the corners of her eyes and run down her face. She was still bent in laughter when she said, “Baby, if that would have done it, I would’ve dyed my hair years ago!!”. She bent over again in a spasm of renewed laughter. Momentarily she recovered from the fit of humor. Drying her eyes and gasping for air, she stood up. “Whew! Jared, honey, you really are funnier than I thought.”

He continued to look at her expectantly. “Are you going to tell me?”, he asked of her. “ Well, ugh, I was hoping for a different reaction”, she pouted as she continued to towel dry her hair. He just stood there. He knew that if he stood there long enough, looking at her but not talking to her, eventually she would get irritated enough to talk. She inspected her new color thoroughly, wiped the sink, counter and mirror with her towel, then hung it up over the shower curtain rod before turning her attention to her son. “Geez! You’re such a wet blanket, Jared. I was so excited about my hair … you just had to pop my balloon didn’t you?” She stood in front of him with one fist on her hip.

He waited a beat then smirked and she put her hand on his face and pushed to turn his head to one side as if to say, ‘Go away‘. He looked back at her still smirking and she laughed. “Bucket Head”, she said. “Bean Brain”, he answered. “Smarty-pants”, she returned. “Jelly Belly”, came his return. She scoffed. “Are you calling me fat???”, she accused in a mock-shocked tone. He grinned a wide grin. She grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him to her and hugged him tight. “ I love you”, she whispered low into his ear as if it were a secret. She was normally not a touchy-feely sort of person, but this time instead of breaking the hug like she usually did, she just held him. He didn’t know why, nor did he care, he just let her wrap herself around him.

He stood there, head resting on her shoulder, letting her love on him as much as her heart desired. He could smell her freshly washed hair mixed with the sharp aroma of the chemicals recently added for color and the sweet ,cloying smell of her body wash. He closed his eyes and inhaled, trying with all his might to memorize this moment as he was sure that it would end and might not happen again for a long time. After a moment she gave one last quick squeeze and released him. He opened his eyes and willed himself not to tear up at the loss it caused inside his heart to let her go. She stared into his eyes and as seriously as she could she said, “I need chocolate”.

She breezed past him into the kitchen and began rummaging in the bread box, where she had always had a not-so-secret stash of chocolate. He walked back to his previously occupied chair and sat down. As she joined him, she handed him a wrapped piece of dark chocolate. He accepted it from her, noting that she was shaking slightly as she held it out for him. “The good stuff”, he noted aloud. She nodded her head up and down as she bit off a tiny piece of the already disrobed confection. They sat in silence again for a moment while they let the chocolate melt on their tongues. She had taught him years ago that real chocolate is not for chewing. She stressed this point to him. “Real” chocolate lovers knew that you had to allow it to melt in your mouth slowly to actually taste it. If you only ever chewed and swallowed your chocolate then you, my friend, had never really tasted chocolate.

After a minute or so of mutual enjoyment he cleared his throat as if to say, ‘Get on with it, Mom‘. She turned her attention from the wrapper she had been studying back to him. “What do you want to know, Jared?” She tilted her head and waited. Her tone was unmistakable. This was her “I have no idea what you’re talking about Dear” tone. He leveled his eyes at her and said, “Everything”. She chucked lightly and said, “You’re not old enough for everything, Jared. Pick another topic.” “Fine. Why did Tommy leave?” His gaze never left her face while he waited for his answer. “Because he wanted to, I suppose.” Her expression never changed. “Come on, Mom, tell me what I want to know”, he implored. He almost couldn’t sit still for all the tension he was feeling right now.

She leaned forward now, expression finally changed into one of frustration. Her brows were starting to furrow and her lips were tightened into a thin line. He knew she was cracking and now he would get to hear some real truth. Danielle had always been this way when it came to talking about her life or her feelings. Anger had to accompany the truth, it was the only way it would ever get spoken. “What do you want from me, Jared? You want me to tell you that I finally stood up for myself and told him to leave? You want me to tell you that we had some big fight and he stormed out?… What?!… What, Jared?… I don’t know what you want from me!” She leaned back in her chair, trying to collect herself, and ran both her hands through her still damp hair. He waited a second to make sure that she was truly in control of herself . He leaned toward her this time, put his hand on her hand as it lay on the Formica tabletop and with a calm and maturity beyond his thirteen years said, “I don’t want anything but your love, Mom. My father abandoned us today and I think that you could at least tell me why. I’m not upset about it myself and I’m not trying to upset you, I just want to know why.”

Silence. More silence. Jared was just about to come out of his skin with frustration and anxiety. The only thing that helped him get through these minutes as they crawled by was history. Their history. She had always been so distant with him about her feelings and she had never, ever talked about her marriage with him. Even when it was really bad with Tommy, she never spoke about it with Jared. Theirs was an unspoken alliance. She was staring out the window again. He could tell that, even though her body was present with him, she was not really here. Her mind was miles or, as the case turned out to be, years from here. After another very constipated minute, her focus shifted back to him.

“What?”, she asked him with a tone that lent itself to someone who was lost in the conversation. He stared at her like she was losing her mind. This had to be a nervous breakdown. She’s lost it, he thought to himself, She’s lost her mind this time. He waited, thinking that she would explain herself…explain her confusion to him. “What do you mean, Mom?”, he finally asked her. “What did you call Tommy just now?” She had a pained look on her face. “I…um…I called him my father”, he stammered, instantly realizing that it was the first time he’d ever done so. She stood suddenly, plastered a very un-real look on her face, and cheerfully said, “We need some dinner!” She immediately went to the bathroom and began to blow dry her hair, leaving him to be baffled all by himself. A minute later she shouted over the blow dryer, “Where do you want to go for dinner?”. He sighed a long, tired sigh and went to take his place back at the bathroom door. They’d come full circle.

 

Short Story: Making Jam

"Who's this again Mama?"
I turned away from the pot I was stirring to find my oldest son holding a very faded black and white picture. I squinted at the image for a moment and said,"Oh, that's my Grandma Lorraine. You remember, Grandpa Charlie was telling you about her last Christmas." I went back to stirring. He studied the picture closely. After a half a minute of studying, he announced, "She looks nice. Was she nice Mama?" I smiled.
"Yes baby. She was nice. I used to go stay at her house in the summer."
"What kind of things did you do there?" he asked as he climbed up on the counter to watch me cook.
"Oh, I don t know...stuff. She had chickens, so I helped to feed the chickens and she had a garden. I used to pull weeds", I said making a sour face at the memory of pulling weeds.
"What else?"
"Well, we used to make jam sometimes."
His eyes got big and his whole face changed. "You can MAKE jam??"
I laughed out loud, "Of course you can make jam, son, where did you think it comes from?"
"The grocery store, duh", he replied while rolling his eyes.
"No, son. It didn't always come from the store." He was still staring at me. "She had strawberries in her garden. We made jam so that we could have strawberries all year long", I elaborated.
"I can't believe you've known how to make jam my whole life and you didn't tell me!"
I continued stirring my pot while he looked on in silence.
"Teach me how to make jam, Mama", he said after a moment.
I put down my spoon and looked at him for a moment. My son, who unfortunately until a moment ago didn't even know you could make jam, was asking me to teach him something.
"Ok", I said, "We'll get some berries this weekend and I'll show you how to make jam." He grinned an approval and took off into the living room with the picture. That Saturday we went to the farmer's market and bought strawberries, then the grocery store to buy sugar. I had to ask three times before I found the jars and pectin that I remember my grandma using. We washed and cleaned and sliced for hours, talking the whole time. I showed him how to cook the berries and how much sugar to add.
When I explained the thickening action of the pectin he blurted out, "Wow, mom, this is like a science experiment!" When we were done, I looked around my demolished kitchen. Then I looked at my sticky son, who had eaten more berries than he had sliced. Doing a mental tally I realized that we had made a years worth of jam while spending the day together, practicing Math and Science and that some how I had become cool to my 10 yr old son. 'Not a bad day's work', I thought to myself and sent up a silent 'Thank You' to Grandma Lorraine for making me help her with the jam.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Putting My Foot Down

Ok, its time for the rubber to meet the road. Its time for me to put my (imaginary) money where my mouth is. Its time for me to put up or shut up, and about a million other cliches. I have been obsessing about writing since I was a child. I have been telling those closest to me for at least the last several months that I want to write. I have been blogging for the last half dozen weeks...and I haven't written anything substantial yet. I'm a starter. What does that mean?? It means I have umpteen beginnings and even middles to all the things I have written, yet I have yet to actually finish anything! What is my problem?? I prefer to write on actual paper...its a texture thing. I like the feel of the pen in my hand. I like the smell of the ink and the notebook. I even like my penmanship. The thing that always gets me in the end is time. I have to put the notebook and pen down at some point...I have to come up for air. When I write, I write obsessively. No one else exists. Time stops. I hear no one...nothing. I am in my own little world where these characters alone are the only inhabitants. My thoughts are not my own, they belong to the people in the story. Its a little scary actually, kind of like channelling I would think. But, eventually the bubble pops. I am called to something else. I have to tend to a child, or answer the phone, or cook a meal. One by one my characters dissolve. Their thoughts and problems drift upward, skyward, to the great unknown. They do not exist. I am their only link to the concrete world and I do not even hold them here permanently. I can only hold them here as long as I concentrate on it. The second I become distracted I lose my hold over them. They vanish. Once or twice I have been able to reconnect with them to try to finish what I've started. "Now let me think, where were we??" Its never the same. The second glimpse is not as sharp as the first. Like a copy of a copy. Grainy. Blurry around the edges. There has never been a third glimpse. How can I get anything written and completed in one sitting? Short story, you say? Nope. I'm a long winded gal...detail rich and long winded. I can't say everything I want to say in one sitting. Anybody who has ever talked to me on the phone knows that first hand! So, how do I push past this (hopefully) temporary hurdle and actually finish what I start? The short answer to that is: I don't know. What I do know is that I have the desire to. I have the willingness to. Now I have the reason to. November is National Novel Writing Month, known popularly as NaNoWriMo. I just like saying NaNoWriMo, don't you? The premise is to write a novel in 30 days. 50,000 words in 30 days. Good Gravy, what a goal. I've never finished any fiction that I've ever started...and that is going to change. Now. I am already 3 days behind. That's almost 2000 words a day. What about the days I work? Can I possibly do this? I don't know, but I know that I want to. Sweet Lord, I want to. You know what? Its very likely I will fail, but I'm not going to let that stop me from trying. I am asking for encouragment. I am asking for prayer. I may even be asking for caffeine and chocolate before its over because I'll be writing like a crazy person. The finished product will probably be a poor excuse for a story. That's not really the point though. The point, for me at least, is to finish it. To actually finish what I've started would be the best early Christmas present I could give myself. Here's to an early Christmas and the end of an unwelcome era. Stop by and ask me how its going this month. It helps me to know there is someone who wants to see me succeed.
 

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