Really??

So, last night I was lying awake, in the dark, starting at my bedroom ceiling fuming. Postively fuming. All of a sudden from out of the dark came a sound. It was snoring. It was coming from my husband.

Not five minutes before that we ended the day like so:

Upon entering the bedroom at midnight, I discovered four stacks of neatly folded clothes on my side of the bed...all were mine. I was so tired I was cross-eyed and did not want to put these clothes away right now, but in an effort to keep the bedroom straight most of the time I have resolved not to put my clothes on top of the dresser but actually IN the dresser. Revolutionary, I know. I looked at the clothes and looked at my husband (who incidentally has been home since about 5:30 pm)and said, "Really?" He stared at me. "Really?" "What?", he asked. "I put away three loads of clothes BEFORE I went to work today and you can't put away one?" He doesn't even miss a beat or bat a stinkin' eyelash before he says, "I put all mine away!".

I stared at him.

"Really?", I repeated.

I am not smiling at him.

No more was said. I put my frowny, "I don't like you" face on and put my clothes away in silence. I'm sure I was a little too forceful with the hangers on a few of those shirts. I am sorry for that. So, I change for bed in silence, put out the light and crawl into bed being careful not to touch him lest he think all is forgiven, which it most certainly is not. Yes, I am a gigantic baby. So, there I was fuming. I was fuming pretty good when the snoring broke the silence. My mouth actually dropped open and I repeated for the 4th time "Really???" out loud to apparently no one.

How do men do that???

Ok, so I've read the books and attended the little "I want the best marriage in the world" seminars...I get it. Men compartmentalize. Men have little compartments for all their different emotions. When they no longer need or want to deal with a certain emotion they put it away..and it STAYS there. I know my husband is not the only one like this because women talk..alot..and every woman I've talked to complains about this. You have a fight and you spend all night fuming while your man snores it up like it never happened. Or, you have a fight and you rehash it for hours while your man goes about his work day like nothing happened. Either way, it's like nothing happened. That doesn't mean it won't be revisited, it just means that until it is revisited he doesn't need to think about it or stew on it the way you do.

It's totally annoying.

Here 's my question: Why can't women do the same thing??

Can I learn this behavior? Can I train myself to shut off and go to sleep or tuck it away and be productive without pouring over said event and having fantasies about what I should have said/wish I'd said/will say to him next time we talk about it?

Is there a class or a pill or a book or a mantra that will keep me from being my usual neurotic self?

Sadly, I think not. The thing I think is most important for me to realize is that when the situation gets "stuffed" into its little compartment until a later date it has nothing to do at all with whether he cares how I feel or not. Its totally easy to think that because he is not being held hostage by that moment in time like I am that he doesn 't care. I have to say that I'm pretty sure it's actually opposite of that. I'm not a man obviously so I can't speak as one but I have lived with one for 16 years so let me break it down for anyone who may be struggling with the same concept. Just because he isn't thinking about it constantly and obsessively until a resolution occurs doesn't mean he's not working on the issue. This is how it usually works out at my house: Situation...disagreement...silence (his not mine)...I stew...He doesn't...Time passes...I get tired of stewing and move on...THEN he will randomly bring it up, offer a resolution, or apologize. While it makes me crazy to revisit something that I have already resigned myself to, I understand that he put it away for a little while, did some things he had to do (work, eat, sleep) and when he had a moment to think about it again ONLY then did he take his little compartment out and work on it. It makes me crazy, but that is how he functions. I'm sure I make him crazy by wanting immediate resolution to a conflict. Marriage is not about being happy all the time...it's about loving the person you are with even when you want to murder them, right?

Either way, he slept well last night.

The Drama Ship Sailed at 4PM

So, I went on this cruise.

It totally was not what I thought it was going to be.

I am slightly bitter about it.

The premise was that two of my sisters and four of our friends were going to go on a cruise....a girl's cruise. The opportunity of a lifetime, right? Well, depends on which opportunity you mean. I prayed constantly the week before we left. I prayed like a mad woman that all these women would get along and not kill each other after spending 6 days in the same room. I also prayed that my sister T would keep it in her pants metaphorically speaking for just one week so we could all have fun without too much drama. To qualify the previous sentence I need to tell you a little about T. She has been married to and divorced from the same man twice. They currently live together as married people. They wear rings, called each other hubby and wife, share bills, etc. They aren't technically married anymore because brother-in-law says he's paid for two weddings to this woman and he's not doing it again. Whatever. They are in a committed relationship. Period. But, T has an unusual flaw. She cannot, for any reason, pass up the attention of a man. Ever.
Back to the cruise: Before we even got on the ship, when asked which of our group was single her hand shot straight up in the air. Cause you know, what happens on the ship..blah, blah, blah. I knew then what a long week it was going to be. I might mention that in order to keep myself sane and respectable I brought along a friend from church. My apologies dear friend for exposing you to my dysfunctional family. After men started showing up at our room less than 2 hrs after we boarded, my friend and I made ourselves scarce to other parts of the ship. That's pretty much the story of the whole cruise. Thank God for my friend or I would have had to tag along with the debauchery in order to stay with my group! 3 am the first night my sister E is dragging T, drunk and kicking and screaming, out of some guys room. This was the first night. She spent the rest of the vacation either with this guy or looking for this guy, who I might add was the loudest most obnoxious drunk guy I'd ever seen. We had absolutely no desire to hang out with men. In fact, I specifically came on this trip to get away from men! My friend and I went our way and they went theirs.
That being said, it wasn't the fact that everyone was drunk within the first 3 hrs on the ship and stayed drunk (sloppy drunk) the rest of the trip. I mean, they did, but it's not about the drinking. I came to have fun too. I don't care if we all sat at the pool all day and got wasted. The point of the cruise was to be together...you know "Girls Cruise". Well, since arriving home the story is that T isn't speaking to us because we ruined her vacation. I guess reminding your sister that she's married while she's otherwise engaged is rude or something. Whatever. I didn't have to make up a story when I got home. We didn't see her again cause my little friend and I didn't want to witness nothing we might have to testify to one day so we split. But, she and I had a great time together! We went to karaoke every night, shows, the pool. We had drinks, went zip-lining and snorkeling and got to see some ruins!
It wasn't that the trip wasn't fun. It's that it totally was not a girl's cruise. It had potential, but no. I didn't see T most of the trip unless I went back to the room to change during the day since she was an "up all night, sleep all day" kinda girl and I got yelled at for interrupting her little schedule. I honestly didn't see much of E either because she spent most of the trip making sure T didn't go overboard...literally.
I don't wanna make it sound like it sucked. I mean the situation sucked, I got my feelings hurt because I felt like we just turned out to be her alibi for a week of whatever & whoever, but I did have fun. I got to see and do things I'd never seen and done before and that's what it's all about. I spent an entire week without laundry, a cell phone or a purse! I got to eat escargot and lobster and have cappuchino with Kahlua! Every meal was served to me by a guy in a tux! I can't wait to go back...with Hubby...maybe early next year if Christmas doesn't kill us first. I'll try to get some pictures up soon.

Just Stopped by to Complain a Little

The following is a rant of frustration, desperation, aggravation, and many, many other unpleasant emotions:

Ok, so here's the real deal Holyfield. My life is kinda falling apart right now. I haven't intentionally abandoned you I promise. I began classes the day I returned from Savannah and I haven't had my head above water since then.
Seriously...I thought this was going to be totally different. I have no idea what I'm doing.
We'll start off by saying that at no point on their website or in email communication from my "advisors" did anyone ever mention accelerated terms. What that basically means is that you have nine weeks to do what the other students are doing in a whole semester. I did my midterms last week. I have three weeks left to go.
I think I'm dying.

Another thing about it is that, as described in the wonderful advertisement material, you have to log in so many times a week to get your attendance credit. Well, that's not really how it works. you have to post something to that class' discussion board 3-5 times a week. Sounds simple right? That's what I thought. Turns out that you have to post a response to the weekly question...which up until now has been a compare and contrast or a an opinion (in which the teacher will then correct your opinion, so what was the point?)...and respond to someone else's post. Here's the rub - you're not allowed to use 'I agree or I disagree' or it doesn't count. You're also not allowed to go back to a previous week's discussion. Also, your response must be a paragraph...each one.

I found out yesterday that like *none* of my responses are getting full credit. Apparently, I'm not wordy enough?? What. The. Hell?? Plus, if I don't get credit for attendance I will have to pay back my Pell Grant.

I want to quit.

I have never quit anything before. I had a child in the 10th grade and never quit school for Pete's sake!! This whole thing just isn't working for me. I don't have any interaction with my teachers (I have emailed before but realize now that urgent questions aren't going to be answered because the response always come 2-3 days later) or fellow students other than the required discussion. In fact I emailed my midterm to one of my teachers early to be critiqued (at her request) and still haven't heard from her...I just had to turn it in and hope that I had gotten at least some of it right.

All of this is in addition to the hell I went through trying to get enrolled, registered and get my textbooks. I found out 2 weeks into class that I wasn't going to get a textbook voucher from financial aid because the registration had taken to long and I had missed the deadline so I had to shell out $400 for three textbooks. Textbooks are a whole other complaint. As much money as I spent on them....I have barely touched them! Most of my work is research work that is accomplished with the Internet...in fact for my current research paper I am NOT ALLOWED to use my text as a reference or it's an automatic zero! So what the freak did I buy them for??

Ok, so I'm doing a lot of complaining today. It's just that being a student was always something I did exceedingly well. I was Valedictorian in both high school and nursing school...so floundering is something I have no experience with at all. I have never wanted to quit anything before this. If I thought that I could physically make it to class 1-2 days a week I would think about transferring to the local community college. I mean, I already have financial aid...I guess that would transfer. I just don't see how I could get it done. I am already working full time, homeschooling, keeping a home and all the things a Mom does.

I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is that I am busting my butt trying to keep my head above water but the pace is so fast I feel like I'm drowning and if I'm not even getting credit for what I am doing, I don't see the point in trying! I just have to try to finish this term and then decide from there.

Thanks for letting me rant and rave. I needed that.

Oh, I the cruise was definitely a once in a lifetime thing...good and bad...and that is a whole other post :) Pictures soon, I promise!

Still Alive

It has been 9 days since I've blogged.

That kinda sounded like a confession or an AA greeting.


I have nooo idea where I've been for 9 days. I only remember work, sleep, eat, repeat. I have had days off, they just fly by in such a blur it's like they didn't actually happen. Hubby and I took the boys to see Toy Story 3. That was fun. At least I remember it.

I don't really remember anything else. I have been dealing with a twisted knee and a run-on neck muscle spasm, but these are random things. I have had some majorly intense relationship moments in the last couple weeks though. I think all the women I know have lost their cotton-pickin' minds frankly. Now I remember why all my high school friends were guys and contrary to popular belief it had nothing to with my bra size. I totally get why men are so mystified by women....ya'll there is a very thin line between sane and insane and we pretty much crisscross back and forth at will.

One prior friend, one current friend, one of my sisters and my boss have been taking turns freaking out on me. The prior friend discussion is closed. The tiff with my sister: resolved. My boss is probably not over...I did learn a little something about her during all this that will be helpful in the future. CYA. To non-medical folks thats a handy little abbreviation that we like to call Cover Your Ass...because no one else is going to cover it for you and no one will notice you under that big ass bus.

The situation with my current friend is really the only one that I genuinely care about and am praying comes to a good end. Sometimes technology sucks because even if you are perfectly literate you cannot discern tone of voice or body language through the written word and sometimes you need to know those things, ya know?

My very handsome son, The Sweet One , got his driver's permit today. Yay! You should all Thank God that you don't live in our town. Oh. My. Goodness. I took him for his first driver's lesson this evening. Let's just say there was screaming and sweaty palms and white knuckles plus he was nervous too.

Hubby and I are kinda trying to plan a 4-day trip for the middle of August for my birthday and our anniversary, which are one day apart. I'm still counting down to my Girl's Cruise in September.

By the time those things come around I am definitely going to need the vacation, cause ya'll may I just say, I am one tired lady.

Whaaa?

I found these on the internet. They are called "Fashion Pants"...apparently they are from Italy.

I don't even have the strength for this.

Really? REALLY??

Please tell me these people see what they look like wearing pants like this. From the thigh down: a nice pair of leggings. From the thigh up? Umm... how do I phrase this correctly....a woman wearing her husbands long john's...backwards. Does that cover it?

What has happened to fashion? I must be lost. I was looking for vintage dresses, or reproductions, and of course shoes. I was not looking for this.

My staunch opinion is that if you have to explain to someone why what your wearing is fashionable, or in anyway have to explain why you put it on your body, it's probably not for you.

These are most definitely not for me....and FYI? They aren't for you either. Just sayin'