Really??

So, last night I was lying awake, in the dark, starting at my bedroom ceiling fuming. Postively fuming. All of a sudden from out of the dark came a sound. It was snoring. It was coming from my husband.

Not five minutes before that we ended the day like so:

Upon entering the bedroom at midnight, I discovered four stacks of neatly folded clothes on my side of the bed...all were mine. I was so tired I was cross-eyed and did not want to put these clothes away right now, but in an effort to keep the bedroom straight most of the time I have resolved not to put my clothes on top of the dresser but actually IN the dresser. Revolutionary, I know. I looked at the clothes and looked at my husband (who incidentally has been home since about 5:30 pm)and said, "Really?" He stared at me. "Really?" "What?", he asked. "I put away three loads of clothes BEFORE I went to work today and you can't put away one?" He doesn't even miss a beat or bat a stinkin' eyelash before he says, "I put all mine away!".

I stared at him.

"Really?", I repeated.

I am not smiling at him.

No more was said. I put my frowny, "I don't like you" face on and put my clothes away in silence. I'm sure I was a little too forceful with the hangers on a few of those shirts. I am sorry for that. So, I change for bed in silence, put out the light and crawl into bed being careful not to touch him lest he think all is forgiven, which it most certainly is not. Yes, I am a gigantic baby. So, there I was fuming. I was fuming pretty good when the snoring broke the silence. My mouth actually dropped open and I repeated for the 4th time "Really???" out loud to apparently no one.

How do men do that???

Ok, so I've read the books and attended the little "I want the best marriage in the world" seminars...I get it. Men compartmentalize. Men have little compartments for all their different emotions. When they no longer need or want to deal with a certain emotion they put it away..and it STAYS there. I know my husband is not the only one like this because women talk..alot..and every woman I've talked to complains about this. You have a fight and you spend all night fuming while your man snores it up like it never happened. Or, you have a fight and you rehash it for hours while your man goes about his work day like nothing happened. Either way, it's like nothing happened. That doesn't mean it won't be revisited, it just means that until it is revisited he doesn't need to think about it or stew on it the way you do.

It's totally annoying.

Here 's my question: Why can't women do the same thing??

Can I learn this behavior? Can I train myself to shut off and go to sleep or tuck it away and be productive without pouring over said event and having fantasies about what I should have said/wish I'd said/will say to him next time we talk about it?

Is there a class or a pill or a book or a mantra that will keep me from being my usual neurotic self?

Sadly, I think not. The thing I think is most important for me to realize is that when the situation gets "stuffed" into its little compartment until a later date it has nothing to do at all with whether he cares how I feel or not. Its totally easy to think that because he is not being held hostage by that moment in time like I am that he doesn 't care. I have to say that I'm pretty sure it's actually opposite of that. I'm not a man obviously so I can't speak as one but I have lived with one for 16 years so let me break it down for anyone who may be struggling with the same concept. Just because he isn't thinking about it constantly and obsessively until a resolution occurs doesn't mean he's not working on the issue. This is how it usually works out at my house: Situation...disagreement...silence (his not mine)...I stew...He doesn't...Time passes...I get tired of stewing and move on...THEN he will randomly bring it up, offer a resolution, or apologize. While it makes me crazy to revisit something that I have already resigned myself to, I understand that he put it away for a little while, did some things he had to do (work, eat, sleep) and when he had a moment to think about it again ONLY then did he take his little compartment out and work on it. It makes me crazy, but that is how he functions. I'm sure I make him crazy by wanting immediate resolution to a conflict. Marriage is not about being happy all the time...it's about loving the person you are with even when you want to murder them, right?

Either way, he slept well last night.

Celebratory Road Trip

I have to work today. Ugh.

Writing that sentence makes me tired.

The only thing that helps...at all...is thinking about tomorrow.

Hubby doesn't like me to talk about it, in fact he hates when I talk about it, but he's a romantic.

I may have mentioned it before. I can't remember if I did or not, you can correct me if I'm wrong.

He buys me cards and writes little romantic things inside. He brings me fattening things like cheeseburgers and pizza to the hospital when I miss dinner. He brings me dark chocolate and Coke Zero when I've had a crappy day. He cracks my back and rubs my shoulders. He does the laundry for me when I'm tired. His favorite movies are what most people consider 'chick flicks'.

I love this man.

But, of all that, the most wonderful thing he does is plan road trips.

I love me a road trip. We are some traveling people. We haven't had that many in the last year because we were buying the house, but in the past we have taken 3-4 road trips a year. In fact, I love a road trip so much that I have been known to take all 3 boys by myself on a 6-8 hour trip to see my sisters on a whim. No joke. Hubby gets a call at 10 am telling him that I won't be home when he gets home or that I won't be home for a week, but there are plenty of frozen meals and clean clothes.. love ya, see ya when I get back.

Well, he did it again. Monday is my 31st birthday and Tuesday is our 12th anniversary. (We have been together 16 years so we count from then, but we celebrate it on our wedding anniversary because it's the same weekend as my birthday...not really as complicated as it sounds) I came home from one of the crappiest days of work I can imagine this past weekend to find him hard at work at the computer. He had planned a 4 day weekend to Savannah, GA just for the two of us!

Yippee!

I have always wanted to go to Savannah. The beautiful homes, the riverfront, Tybee Island, the "hauntings", the museums, the FOOD, the trolleys, the cemetary. Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil...I love that book and can't wait to see Forsythe Park.

We will be staying at a beautiful old bed and breakfast, sleeping late, eating everything we can get our hands on, touring the city and just generally schlepping around with no plan whatsoever.

I can't wait :)

The only thing on our agenda is dinner at the Lady and Sons Restaurant....owned by one Paula Deen.

I hope to have pictures and details next week.

Hope you guys have a nice weekend. I know I plan to!

Father's Day Post

Happy Father's Day!

We had a great Father's Day today with Hubby. We weren't able to let him sleep in because of church, but we made sure that he was the last one to wake up...it was the least we could do! We prepared him a surprise pancake and egg breakfast (Yum!), gave Hubby a card from each of us, presents that consisted of a new set of garage tools and a bible in a translation he had been asking for and then headed off to Church. Our friend and pastor gave a great sermon to the guys about leading in the home today that I'm sure got a lot of people's attention. Kudos to a man giving a sermon to men, on Father's Day, and using the words lazy, slacker and poser in the same sermon without offending anyone. Way to go! Afterwards there was much pondering over where to have lunch, since it was Hubby's choice and he didn't to pick a place that provided toys with the kids' meal :) We were all excited when he chose Japanese Hibatchi...dinner and a show! Bonus.

To say that the Hibatchi scared Mr. Funny (our 8 yr old) is an understatement. Picture a child trying to eat with chopsticks while simultaneously trying to plug his ears from the "noise" of the pyrotechnics and acrobatic spatula. I was worried he was going to accidentally puncture an ear drum! The Mouth and The Sweet One both loved it, as most boys do when they get to see things on fire. Mr. Funny lightened up when we bought him a "Japanese Sprite" as it was labeled on the menu. It came in a funny shaped bottle with a marble in the lid, sealing it, that you had to pop out with the provided tool in order to drink. Unfortunately there isn't a way to get the marble out when your done without breaking the bottle. Breaking the bottle isn't going to happen, since we're "keeping it forever". I mean...we have to - it's got Japanese writing right on the label!

When we had stuffed ourselves with all the Japanese food we could eat, we headed home for long Sunday naps, movies and ice cream. Pretty much in that same order.


So, this is a short post, but I'm groggy from the bucket of Japanese leftovers I had for dinner, the ice cream and the general laziness that a Sunday afternoon brings to our house. I hope that everyone who celebrated it, had a great Father's Day. I myself don't have my father anymore, so I remember him on this day while I heap extra love and attention on Hubby. To those of you who aren't fathers, remember to include any other male role model shoes you fill...teacher, friend, uncle, brother, even spouse. Fatherhood takes a multitude of talents and each of these roles draws a little from those talents as well. Celebrate that. To my single mom friends, I hope you got a little love today as well, since your filling both roles. If you know someone in these two catagories who may have been missed today, give them a ring tomorrow. Tell them you were thinking of them too. Everyone likes to be remembered. I'm back to work tomorrow....Everyone have a great week!!