This Message Brought to You by the Squashed and Tired:

So, I'm still doing the "errands and cleaning in the morning/work in the evening/homework in the wee hours" thing. It still sucks...I think that should go without saying. However, I think *hope* that by the end of the week I will have fabulous news. An office position has opened up in the Family Practice where I used to do relief work. It's part-time. Hubby and I have been yelling at each other, I mean "discussing", the possibility of my going part time for a couple months now. I have had more meltdowns, nervous breakdowns and need for alcohol in the last 6 months than I did when my children were small and not potty trained yet! Basically I had to explain the concept of "If Mama ain't happy..." to him. Ya'll know what I mean. So, after the office manager called me twice to see if I was interested in putting in my app, I finally bit the bullet and did it. Then, I had to tell my boss what I did. I sure wouldn't want her to hear about it in the morning meeting instead of from me. She took it well....actually I don't think she was upset at all. She wasn't an advocate for my position in the first place...so...yeah. So I had an interview last week and made myself available for peer interviews but was never called in for one. I called the office manager, just to check on the process, and was told that she had everything she needed and that after a dept. meeting this week that she would know further by the end of the week.

So now I wait.

It's a little nerve wracking though. I hate waiting.

Anyway, so ya'll pray for me. And, really put your backs into it because I don't think I will survive another year of 4-5 hrs of sleep a night. That's probably why kids eventually learn to sleep at night because if Mom's had to do the night shift thing for more than a year or so we probably would have collectively decided that Communist China had it right with the One Kid Rule, ya know what I'm sayin'?

I hope to be able to transistion to dayshift, no nights, no weekends, no holidays, and only working 3 days a week soon....REAL SOON.

Until then, I guess I'll just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimmmmmming....Thanks for the advice Dory :)

The Main Mouth

Let me re-introduce you to The Mouth. This was the Punk Rock Mouth at Halloween...I could not dissuade him from this costume, even with bribes.

He is a punk rock kid all the way.




He is also a Drama King...yeah, I said King.

This was Community Theatre, last month, in a children's play called "Wizard of Wonderland". He was the Cowardly Lion, to rave reviews.

Both our heads swelled :)

This kid cracks me up...like snorting in laughter, have to keep from peeing on myself laughter.

When we were homeschooling, I actually had to make a rule about foreign accents and impressions during school time because we couldn't get any work done!!

So, yes, he's a funny kid and a rock and roll kid...and he's mine.

Reasons Why I Love This Child...

Some of you may remember that this is my youngest child...Mr. Funny.

You can clearly see why I call him Mr. Funny...he didn't get his resemblance to Groucho Marx from me.

I decided to do a little post about each one of my children, because I haven't posted about them recently and I miss them due to the fact that I see them for about 30 min a day now.

So here is my Top 5 Reasons that: I LOVE MR. FUNNY

5. He "pants" his 12 yr brother on the playground today and when I asked him why he did it he said, "Because the girls told me to...You have to do what girls tell you to Mom".

4. He can recite almost every commercial he has ever seen and finds a way to insert them into almost every conversation he has...today's commercial was for mouthwash. As he breathed onto his father's face to prove that he had indeed brushed his teeth before bed, he says "Freshens your breath while it kills germs!"

3. Last week we broke in the new fire pit by having a weenie roast for dinner. Mr. Funny slaughtered everyone else with the number of weenie jokes he came up with(it was an obscene amount of weenie jokes overall)...and covered his mouth and giggled at every-single-one-of them.

2. Every Sunday morning when I emerge from my bedroom after getting ready for church he gasps loudly and says "You are beautiful, Mama!"

and the #1 reason why I love Mr. Funny:
...every time I look at him my heart swells and I get a lump in my chest that makes me want to stop time right now while he's still small enough to crawl up in my lap and keep him like this forever :)

Hello? Is this thing on??

Show of hands...how many people thought I died??

Well, you were wrong. Both of you.
I have not died yet, although many an evening I felt dead, wished I was dead or smelled like a dead thing.

Here's the deal: School is kicking my ass. I probably shouldn't curse in my blog, but since its quarter to one in the morning and I've already had a half a glass of wine, I'm going to do what I want to do. When I registered for school, after pouring over all the materials I could find about this school, I was certain that this was exactly the way to get my education finished. Fast forward 6 months and I am not only wary of that idea, I am weary at the prospect of 3 more years like this. I am still working 2nd shift full time (four 10hr days a week). This means that most days I only see my kids long enough to get them dressed and out the door and I don't see them again until the next day. No where in all of that wonderful material I looked at before registering for school did it mention "mini-mesters". Hell, I had never even heard of them. News flash: they are the devil. Basically, you have 9 weeks to do a full semester's worth of work. The requirements for the course, the syllabus, the workload, etc. are all the same as a traditional semester only you are doing all of that in 9 weeks. Now, you would think that it might mean that you get done with school faster right? Makes sense. Alas, that would make too much sense. Full time status for a mini-mester is 2 classes instead of a regular 4 classes for a regular semester. So really all you're doing is splitting your semester in half without reducing any of the work you have to do. I am still going to end up needing 4 years for my Bachelor's Degree. All of a sudden it seems like that idea sucked. Twice the work without twice the reward?? Who's Mickey-Mouse idea was this? Oh, it was mine. I am trying my best to keep up but I don't even feel like I'm treading water anymore.I recently had a little (read: messy) meltdown about the whole situation. I feel like if I keep plugging onward it will all be OK and then the next minute I am a tearful mess about missing my kids and Hubby, not being able to keep up with the housework, feeling like I haven't slept in days (I am usually up until at least 1 or 2 AM finishing work), and missing out on all the fun events that Hubby and the boys get to do without me. I'm kind of a whiny, blubbery, bitchy mess right now. I have been obsessively looking for another job that might let me work less hours or at least be first shift so that I can see my kids in the evenings. Nothing. It's kind of exactly why I'm leaving the nursing world behind...there are no jobs anywhere for nurses right now. I take that back. There are no jobs for LPNs anywhere right now. I am noticing that there are plenty of Rn's positions. A prudent person would say "Why don't you change majors and get your RN?" Well, it's like this: I don't have the ability to NOT work. Even though I am not the main bread winner, I am the insurance carrier. I know that I couldn't work and go to nursing school. I barely survived nursing school last time and I wasn't working at all! So, I don't realistically see how I could possibly go to nursing school and work full time in order for us to keep our benefits. I am going to keep my eye out for that mythical job that allows me only to work during school hours, has benefits, no weekends or holidays and pays the bills. In the mean time, it's finals week and I'm wasting time blogging at one in the morning. Y'all pray for me....I need all the prayers I can get.

Really??

So, last night I was lying awake, in the dark, starting at my bedroom ceiling fuming. Postively fuming. All of a sudden from out of the dark came a sound. It was snoring. It was coming from my husband.

Not five minutes before that we ended the day like so:

Upon entering the bedroom at midnight, I discovered four stacks of neatly folded clothes on my side of the bed...all were mine. I was so tired I was cross-eyed and did not want to put these clothes away right now, but in an effort to keep the bedroom straight most of the time I have resolved not to put my clothes on top of the dresser but actually IN the dresser. Revolutionary, I know. I looked at the clothes and looked at my husband (who incidentally has been home since about 5:30 pm)and said, "Really?" He stared at me. "Really?" "What?", he asked. "I put away three loads of clothes BEFORE I went to work today and you can't put away one?" He doesn't even miss a beat or bat a stinkin' eyelash before he says, "I put all mine away!".

I stared at him.

"Really?", I repeated.

I am not smiling at him.

No more was said. I put my frowny, "I don't like you" face on and put my clothes away in silence. I'm sure I was a little too forceful with the hangers on a few of those shirts. I am sorry for that. So, I change for bed in silence, put out the light and crawl into bed being careful not to touch him lest he think all is forgiven, which it most certainly is not. Yes, I am a gigantic baby. So, there I was fuming. I was fuming pretty good when the snoring broke the silence. My mouth actually dropped open and I repeated for the 4th time "Really???" out loud to apparently no one.

How do men do that???

Ok, so I've read the books and attended the little "I want the best marriage in the world" seminars...I get it. Men compartmentalize. Men have little compartments for all their different emotions. When they no longer need or want to deal with a certain emotion they put it away..and it STAYS there. I know my husband is not the only one like this because women talk..alot..and every woman I've talked to complains about this. You have a fight and you spend all night fuming while your man snores it up like it never happened. Or, you have a fight and you rehash it for hours while your man goes about his work day like nothing happened. Either way, it's like nothing happened. That doesn't mean it won't be revisited, it just means that until it is revisited he doesn't need to think about it or stew on it the way you do.

It's totally annoying.

Here 's my question: Why can't women do the same thing??

Can I learn this behavior? Can I train myself to shut off and go to sleep or tuck it away and be productive without pouring over said event and having fantasies about what I should have said/wish I'd said/will say to him next time we talk about it?

Is there a class or a pill or a book or a mantra that will keep me from being my usual neurotic self?

Sadly, I think not. The thing I think is most important for me to realize is that when the situation gets "stuffed" into its little compartment until a later date it has nothing to do at all with whether he cares how I feel or not. Its totally easy to think that because he is not being held hostage by that moment in time like I am that he doesn 't care. I have to say that I'm pretty sure it's actually opposite of that. I'm not a man obviously so I can't speak as one but I have lived with one for 16 years so let me break it down for anyone who may be struggling with the same concept. Just because he isn't thinking about it constantly and obsessively until a resolution occurs doesn't mean he's not working on the issue. This is how it usually works out at my house: Situation...disagreement...silence (his not mine)...I stew...He doesn't...Time passes...I get tired of stewing and move on...THEN he will randomly bring it up, offer a resolution, or apologize. While it makes me crazy to revisit something that I have already resigned myself to, I understand that he put it away for a little while, did some things he had to do (work, eat, sleep) and when he had a moment to think about it again ONLY then did he take his little compartment out and work on it. It makes me crazy, but that is how he functions. I'm sure I make him crazy by wanting immediate resolution to a conflict. Marriage is not about being happy all the time...it's about loving the person you are with even when you want to murder them, right?

Either way, he slept well last night.

Mr. Drunky Drunk has an Enabler

So, last month I posted about almost getting killed in the McDonald's parking lot. I filed charges and waited for my court date. Last Tuesday was the date I got. Here is an account of what followed.

We get a subpoena in the mail. Hubby and I both took an entire day off of work since the alloted court time was in the middle of the day. In order for me to take this one day off I had to split up my hours because Court just happened to fall during the Week From Hell and I had 4 Christmas parties to attend that week. I had to work at least 4 hours every day for 7 days to take this one day off and not miss any of my already committed-to parties!

The day finally comes for me to testify against Mr. Drunky Drunk and guess what?? He doesn't show up...but wait there's more! His Dad shows up in his place!! At first we were just looking at him, whispering, "Is that him? That doesn't look like the guy. Are you sure that's him? That guy looks too old to me him..and too heavy." Well, to be honest we weren't entirely sure that it wasn't him. It didn't look like him the way we remembered it, but to be honest we only saw him for like one minute and that was at night a month ago! So, we didn't say anything because we weren't positive and we didn't have proof anyway. We sat in court for 2 hours waiting on him to be called and when it finally happened he plead guilty. The clerk looked at me and said, "Your dismissed." Just like that. I take a whole day off of work, rearrange my entire life which includes working 7 days straight to be dismissed. Crap. I still don't even know what he got...a fine, community service, jail?? So, I thought that was the end of that. Very disappointing.

But then Sunday came.

Sunday after church we were driving home and we passed right by this guy's house (like I said in my last post, we are practically neighbors) and who do we see sitting on the porch smoking a ciggarette? Right...Mr. Drunky Drunk. Damn. Now, because I am a person of high morals or maybe because I am kind of a bitch, I have to go back to the Magistrate and tell him what happened. Do I think anything will happen? No, what's done is done. If his Dad is okay with his son being a drunk and beligerent person that tries to run over children in restaurant parking lots that's his business, but I have to tell someone what this guy is doing.

Maybe it's a Jr./Sr. situation. Maybe his dad is the one that opened the door and said 'Yeah, it was me' because it was easier than making his son take responsibility for what happened. Maybe he only has one more strike against him before he loses his license...I don't know. All I know is that once I tell someone in authority then I've done what I feel like I have to do. Damn, why do I have to be so freaking responsible??

Just thought I'd share!

I have insomnia tonight and thought I'd share with you my current favorite Youtube video...I love this dude (his name is Keenan and yes he's disabled)...he cracks me up!!

Ya'll enjoy :)




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So much drama...so little evidence.

There should come a time in one's life when you are too old for drama. Apparently, my time has not come yet. An innocent trip to McDonald's with Hubby and the Ankle Biters ended up being an hour-long ordeal. The cops even got involved. Now, I'm not a person that will just call the cops randomly. Someone has to be in danger before I'll do that. I live in a small town and I know just about every cop, firefighter and paramedic thanks to my job at the Emergency Room. At work I don't hesitate to call the cops to help keep the peace just because I can, but in my personal life I could count on one hand the number of times I have had to call the cops on someone. That doesn't include the time I called the local PD about a car swerving all over the road or a light being out at an intersection...or the time they were chasing some kids through my yard and I called the dispatcher to tell them which direction the kids ran. Like I said, it's a small town, we all know each other and we look out for each other. So Saturday evening, during half-time of the Alabama/Tennessee game I might add, we decided to get some Mickey D's. The kids have this thing about going inside...probably because our McD's has video games they can play while we wait on our food...so we park and head across the parking lot. This guy literally runs out of the side door and jumps into his truck, which happens to be the truck that my oldest two boys are walking beside. This guy doesn't even have his door shut good and he's got is truck in reverse and starts peeling out...towards me and my 8 yr. old son. Hubby started banging on his truck to get his attention while I am screaming and shoving my child from my right side (where a truck tire is now) to safety on my other side. Hubby dented ol' boy's truck by banging on it. So, he finally stops in the middle of the parking lot, sticks his head out of his window and says, "What the [bleep] is going on?". I informed him in a slightly elevated voice that he almost ran over my child...to which he says. "Keep your [bleep bleep] kids out of the street, [bleep that rhymes with ditch]!" Well I can't recount the rest of the conversation because it would be mostly bleeps. I wish I could say that all the bleeps were his, but no. My children got to hear Mama say some words that I don't ever think they've heard before. I could smell the beer on this dude from eight feet away. He was drunk, disorderly, belligerent and driving around my town!! So, Mama did what Mama's do when drunk people try to run their babies over in parking lots...I called the Po-Po. Luckily, they pulled him over. Unfortunately, this guy has obviously been through this before because he pulls into his own driveway and runs inside. According to my friend, the police woman, this means that she lost line of sight on him and even if he was over the limit with alcohol it would be thrown out of court. I asked a few other of our town's finest about it and they all said the same thing. So, this guy knows how to get around the system. That tells me that he's done this before. She took my report and this morning I am going down to City Hall to talk to the Magistrate about pressing charges for Reckless Endangerment. I'm pretty frustrated at this point. How is it that a guy can drink and drive and almost kill people and they can't arrest him because he runs into his house?? Even though she saw him driving the vehicle?? I have no tolerance for a drunk. Give me a junkie any day of the week. Junkies have a goal, they have a plan most of the time and they are usually actually pretty polite because when they do come to the ER they know that an outburst will get them put out and then they won't get what they came for...but a drunk has none of that. A drunk has no goal, no plan, no control over their actions or mouth and they are dangerous. Now, that's not to say that someone who is already high isn't the same way, but I have a particular disdain for alcoholics. My daddy was an alcoholic. So, I go to press charges this morning which means that eventually it will go to court and I will have to testify about what happened. Hubby is pretty pessimistic that anything will come of it. I'm going through with it because at the very least it will create a paper trail against this guy. If he doesn't have a problem jumping behind the wheel while he's drunk then it's just a matter of time before he does kill someone. If pressing charges now means that next time he gets caught he already has something on his record I'm all for it. My poor son was so upset by the whole thing. By the time this guy peeled out of the parking lot (after cussing me like a dog in front of my children) my little one was so shook up he was crying and said "Mama, that guy tried to kill me!". It broke my heart and it still makes me want to find this guy and break important appendages. I can tell you one thing, if this guy had ever seen what I've seen he would never think about driving recklessly and he would always look for little ones when backing up. If he had ever had to hold a little one's skull together during CPR like I have because some careless person can't be bothered with looking before backing up I bet he would NEVER EVER drive recklessly again or drink and drive. I can hope for the best at least. Like I said, it's a small town and we look out for each other.

I swear I don't sit around complaining...

Seems like the only reason I blog anymore is to bitch. I'm sorry about that friends. I am consciously trying to avoid blogging now days specifically because I don't want to spend my time sitting around complaining. That being said, I have had some news this week that I cannot wrap my brain around. I have written before about my sisters E and T, who went on the cruise with me. These are sisters from my biological father. I also have a brother from their family. From my mother I only have one sister whose name also starts with an M. I will call her Em here..like Emily or Emma, just to keep things straight.

Em is my baby sister, five years younger than me, which makes her 26. The news I got this week that I cannot wrap my brain around is that Em is pregnant....with her 5th child. Yes, you heard me correctly...her FIFTH child. She is also on her second husband. She has 2 boys with the first man (one of whom is disabled) and a boy and a girl with the current man. Em also has major health issues that made it necessary for her first two children to have to be delivered early enough for the both of them to be medical miracles (we're talking second trimester births here!) and has needed a hysterectomy for the last 6 or 7 years because of these health problems. Its a miracle any of these babies have survived, they were all premature, she has almost died with every single one of them and now she is pregnant for the 5th time. Someone, please, please, please, explain to me: Why would a woman want to go through this??? I might need to add, although doing so clearly counts as gossip, that they are so financially strapped that they are frequently on government assistance, never have enough of anything that the kids need, her husband has only recently gotten a stable job and it might turn out to be seasonal during the farm season and end when the winter comes! Add to the fact that the house is so filthy that Em and I have come to blows over the condition those kids live in and that myself and my kids would never set foot into the house and I am doubly confused as to why...why...why on God's green earth would she have another baby???
She swears to me that protection was used and that she didn't want to have another baby and that she has no clue what they are going to but to that I say: Why didn't you fix the problem with either of the last two pregnancies?
For the love of God, what would possess someone to be so irresponsible? I love my children but when I knew we couldn't support anymore mouths or that I couldn't possibly handle anymore stress we took care of it with a little snippity-snip-snip!
I really have tried to let go of things like this in her life since we lost Mom. Since losing Mom I have tried to focus my sole attention on my own family. Life is short. I learned that from losing both my parents before I was 28 years old. Losing Mom in particular has forced me to start seeing what motherhood really is and the effects you have on your children for years to come. I have memories that are important to me that I am sure my Mother would never remember because to her it was just another passing moment in the day. It shows me that every moment is the chance to make a memory. It probably contributes to me feeling like a failure a lot because it adds more pressure than I need right now, but it also helps me remember what the big picture is here. Because of all of this, I worry about what kind of things Em's kids will remember growing up. Will they only have memories of filth and want? Will they have memories of Mom being so stressed and tired that she was never happy? (I'm assuming the stress because why wouldn't a 26 yr old with five kids be stressed?) I know she loves them, but what is the quality of the life she is giving them? What is the point in having more children than you can logically handle or support?? I have been praying so hard about this situation. I haven't said anything ugly to her about it, because really, what's the point? The fact is that there is going to be a new baby whether she needs another one or not. The baby is going to need love either way. I do love those kids. I love them enough that I've already told my husband that if the state ever stepped in because of the circumstances I would take all of them into our home rather than see them go to the state. At this point I just keep thinking, how can I possibly do that if she just keeps popping them out like Pez candy??
I feel bad for most of the feelings I have and I'm working on that. I love my sister, we're just nothing alike and have never seen eye to eye on anything. I pray that she finds a way to cope with all that she has been dealt. And, if the state ever comes knocking on my door, I'm going to need very large Valium and mainline of Capt. Morgan to stay sane.

More Random Savannah

There were pirate flags everywhere in Savannah. Apparently there is an extensive pirate history in Savannah. I had no idea. We passed by a restaurant called the Pirate House that boasts that Robert Louis Stevenson wrote the first two chapters of "Treasure Island" inside while sitting and listening to the old pirates' stories.

This is Mecca for Paula Deen lovers. The Lady and Sons Restaurant. It was good, fattening food and we didn't have to wait forever. We just asked for a seating, they told us to come back at a certain time and we waited about 10 minutes. Very crowded, but very good service...and yummy "home" food. If I weren't from the south I would have been blown away, but since I am I can say it was just good Soul Food!

There were tons of these bronze statues around downtown. This is the one I liked the best.

These rubber boots were hilarious. Very chic. I wanted to go inside and try some on but the store was closed :(

This sign cracked me up for various reasons. I think it was a Candy Kitchen or a Bakery, but fortunately the smells were good! If this sign hung at my house I couldn't make the same guarantee.

This sign hung at a restaurant called Five Guys. Some of you may have heard of it, but it is a burger joint. They have, I swear, the best hamburgers I have ever tasted.

It sort of had a "Happy Days" diner vibe going on.

You only order ONE order of fries at this place. The picture above is only one order, they were so freakin' awesome and yes that is Hubby's arm next to the giant paper bag of fries!

So these are just some random pics of Savannah I had lying around. Hope you enjoyed them!